not so free-lance

i'm not really sure there is much to say except that here i am, WORKING, and really just dreaming of when this will end. most people don't have the luxury (or stress) of working freelance and probably don't compartmentalize their years into the parts that they work and the parts that are lived on unemployment. but even as someone who has no idea when the next job will roll around, there is something nice about having to take mandatory vacations and never having to feel like i am leaving in the middle of something. at the end of every show, i feel a sense of completion and success at surviving the crappy long hours and having to eat lunch at my desk everyday. but then again, i also begin to feel agitated and fear of never finding employment again. there are definitely days that i long for a 9-5 that gives me a steady matching 401k for 30 years so that retirement is not just a dream. as of now, i just count the hours until the end of my very long day.