the temptations of pay

it's been a few months since my last post but i was partially employed for a few weeks on a re-shoot from hell so i feel like maybe i get a pass on this one. it's rather unfortunate but i actually have really strong work ethics and get all crazy when i feel like i can't do my job as well as i like. in some ways, i seem pretty apathetic and comfortable in my unemployed time but when i do have a job, i'm one of those crazy freaks that go all out and get personally insulted when things don't run as well as they should. this was the main reason i thought being a stage manager would be a good career choice but then i realized i'm never going to be able to control the people around me so that became more of a stressful lifestyle than solid career path. but in accounting, everything should almost be like clock-work but when the cogs refuse to turn at their corresponding speeds, all hell breaks loose and the springs start popping out and the hands start spinning aimlessly. this was what the re-shoot was like. and it makes me feel bad. like i didn't do enough to force the cogs in place. whenever i get into these funks, i swear that i will never ever EVER work on another show like this again. because i don't like feeling bad about my work and no one should be forced into a situation where everyday is like walking into a wall. BUT! i also enjoy being paid. so where do i, or should i, draw the line? if i was asked to do that job over again, would i really say no? getting paid an actual salary is much nicer than sitting around searching for a hobby when what i really want is a job. hrm...

on a different note, it is time for the holidays and since i don't really like being forced to give away presents, now i have the excuse of being broke :P but seriously, i really do think that the best presents are the ones that are inspired by the person you are gifting, not by a date on a calendar. this might be my cheap urban nature but my favorite gifts to give are the edible kind, the one that takes up no physical space after it's been eaten but was well enjoyed while it lasted. plus, this gives me a chance to practice my baking skills which might come in handy if something doesn't come along in the new year. happy holidays!