trying to keep my chin up

after about 3 months of solid unemployment, my willfully imposed belief that my current status is not really my fault - the recession couldn't have been predicted, lots of other people are losing their jobs, that the christmas season made it impossible to really do a proper search - is starting to wear thin.  even i can only convince myself of so much; excuses do have a expiration date.  it's not that i haven't been looking for work so much as i'm starting to realize that drastic measures might need to be taken soon if i'm not to go crazy with my many hours of wasted time.  not having to go to work sounds fun but if i'm not going to start getting rewards for having attended as much school as i have, well, what was the point?  if i had just joined the workforce right out of college, maybe i would be a manager somewhere complaining about her job but at least i would also be secretly relieved that i had one.  those student loans are starting to bear down on me and it is not fun watching my bank account get depleted.  so what now?

to spend my time more wisely, i think i'm going to:

1) find something i can intern/volunteer at even if i make no money.  i think the key to my slump may be productivity and that even if i can't do something with a monetary value, at least i should be able to find something that absorbs my restless energy and might add to my resume.

2) start writing my book. i should find some constructive way to apply some of that nice English degree even if my nice Theatre degree is failing me.

3) finish zelda: twilight princess and get platinum status on all my wii sports practice levels.  i am at the final boss and i got two platinum statuses today.  if i have a gaming console that makes me get off my butt the way reading blogs cannot, i might as well try to stay in shape.  (i also go to the gym to do this but that is less fun and more sweaty.)

i'll get started on all that tomorrow.  after i wake up at noon.

a holiday of uncomfortable questions

if your holiday was anything like mine, it included family get-togethers where there's lots of food and chatting. while this part is innocuous enough, the inevitable question of "so, how's the job search going?" or some variation thereof pops up and silence fills the room.  while i uncomfortably try to swallow a suddenly dry piece of bread, i reach for my glass of water to take up some time before i mumble something about the recession and hiring freezes and that at least i'm doing okay since i had some money saved.  everyone kinda looks at me with a small amount of pity and then tries to change the subject.  or else, they all try to give me advice since those with jobs must know more on how to find a job.  while i understand everyone's just trying to be helpful and make conversation, the commenting sounds more like constant nagging and rehashing of a character flaw that i am very well aware of (it seems crazy but i do remember what having a job is like and i actually do enjoy having a paid purpose in life).  through the weeks, i have found that the easiest way to not get too irritated is by deflecting most questions with a certain amount of humor (ie. thank goodness i was born during the age of the internet or else i would be bored out of my mind).  also, i have found my number one stock phrase when questioned about what is it that i do: "i'm between things."