2010...

so, not much to update what with all the family craziness of the holidays but i wanted to wish the void a happy new years. even though i don't really believe in new years resolutions since i am of the camp that new years is a pretty arbitrary time to choose to do a 180 on anything, i do have two general resolutions that i want to accomplish in the new year: gain employment and lose some weight. not terribly exciting but hopefully that'll be the only parts that are boring about next year! i wish everyone good health, wealth and happiness!!

back on the off wagon

so, it's days before christmas and i am once again out of a job. it was fun while it lasted and i savored every penny i earned (though i must admit, i was pretty good at spending all those pretty lincoln portraits). i am sad to see my newfound friends leave but happy that they were able to make it home before the snowstorm. this might be an ending but at the same time, i hope it's the beginning of another successful hunt. tally-ho! and happy holidays, wishing us all an employed new year!

employed and enjoying it

it's been a while since employment requires my attention that unemployment does not but here i am to report that being employed is indeed wonderful and receiving my paycheck is even better than i had remembered. my student loans are being paid and i don't fear for my rent. but i must say, no matter what work i do, it's really the people that i work with that make or break the job. working with assholes at a hedge fund made me want to jump out of the 40th floor window while my current group of co-workers make me think it's okay to come to work even if the elevator was out of service (which i really hope never is as we are still on the 20th floor). memorial day weekend starts tomorrow and it's nice that i can differentiate weekdays from weekends. and sure, while i'd rather be a trust fund baby who happens to chose to work, having to work is not so bad when it gives me a chance to meet new people and feel like i'm contributing in an economy that isn't seeing it's best days (though with the office lottery pool, with a little luck i can be part of the former as well as the latter).

over employed

so it's been a while since my last post but a lot has happened.  my husband's grandfather got remarried, i got my wisdom teeth pulled and miracles have happened since i recently became over-employed.  that's right, i had one job and then found another and tomorrow i start the second job.  while the last one wasn't really that bad, the second one has considerable benefits, namely in that it will employ me until november.  again, the greatest feeling of getting a job is the paycheck, not having to search for another one and watching my student loan debt slowly, almost indiscernibly, go down payment by payment.  i don't ask for a lot in my job, just that it covers my expenses and my student loans.  the biggest drawback is my inability to sleep in on weekends.  now that i get up everyday to get to work by 8:30a, i'm having a hard time achieving those wondrous dreams that i had while dozing through breakfast and right into the official afternoon.  i suppose achieving in real life is more substantial and more lucrative but nothing can really replace those hours spent dreaming away, living a life i could never live awake.

employed again, this time for real, maybe

so, i'm actually working again.  though a temporary job, this should last a few months.  i have to say, returning to work has been less rewarding than i thought.  maybe it's just working in payroll but i seriously miss my days of doing not much.  or at least being able to sleep in, eat when i want, read blogs when i want, wii it out when i want, do what it is that's comes to mind.  though i have to admit it's nice to be able to go out and enjoy myself without having to consider getting the cheapest on tap beer out of necessity.  on the flip side, i am now too tired to care about going out and no longer dream because i don't sleep enough to complete a rem cycle.  i miss my dinosaur hunting days.

movies! (at home)

one thing that is really getting a boost during this recession is movie rentals.  now if you are like me and live near one of those dollar dvd vending machines (redbox, dvdxpress, etc.) then you have been watching a lot of bad bad movies but only for $1!  such was the case this weekend when i finally was able to fend off the teens and secure a rental of that vampire flick, you know, twilight.  while i have never read the books or really expressed much interest in them, i find so many references to this phenomenon in my daily blog readings that i felt compelled to watch it just to know what the hell is the big deal.  it was bad.  but not like outrageously bad or pitchfork wielding bad, just run-of-the-mill definitely not good kind of bad (maybe even good if you are a vampire loving tween but who really wants to be that?).  after much discussion with various friends about why twilight wasn't really worth watching but not really worth effort to avoid, i think i'll just have to read the purported badly written book version to kill some more time.

woe is me (mostly my teeth)

being jobless means that i have time to fix this new wisdom tooth problem that i'm having, namely that i think i need to get them removed.  but this also means no dental insurance and having to pay an extra unexpected expense (the dreaded 3 e's).  does this mean life is working itself out for me or that i'm being toyed with by fate?

the best part

i should have stated this earlier but i believe that if you are indeed unemployed, you should get as much sleep as possible.  not only is it better for your skin but in your dreams, you are NOT unemployed.  in fact, usually, having a job doesn't even matter and you might even get to do outrageously amazing things.  just the other night i dreamed that i was leading an expedition team to hunt and kill giant dinosaurs/dragons/monsters in an underground cave, all the while dodging and protecting these geysers that would burst randomly (i don't really understand how we could have damaged a geyser but it was definitely not allowed).  i had a giant laser gun and was more athletic than i possibly could be awake.  

idea of the day:  while having a nice waking life would be good too, having a badass dream life can make most days worth making it through since sleep is just around the corner.

laid off before i got to start

so i finally thought i landed a job, a short-term gig to be sure but still, something that paid weekly for six or so weeks.  i had a great interview, the location was close to my house and it might actually even be fun.  i got called later that day and was told it was mine if i wanted it and i was to start on the 16th (yes, today was to be my first day).  then on friday, i get the dreaded voicemail.  i was on the phone and another call beeps in.  i feel the dread sink in as i recognize the area code and instead of picking it up, i let it go through voicemail, hoping that maybe i was wrong and it was a misdial.  but sure enough, when i check my messages, a familiar voice sounded and yep, the company had decided to "go another route" and was no longer setting up offices in philly.  wft?!  what kind of game are they playing that they would tug at the heartstrings of a desperate unemployed only to close the door on her face DAYS before her first payday?  so instead of getting up at 7a this morning all excited about meeting new colleagues and learning about accounting, i sleep in late, wake up despondent and try to focus my energies on finding a dentist as my wisdom tooth has chosen this exact moment in my life to start causing trouble.  at first, it seemed like march was the month that everything was coming up me.  i got free beer at a restaurant, it was my birthday, i got a job.  now, i am still unemployed, have pain in my gums and have to start looking for jobs.  AGAIN.  the best part of finding a job was no longer having to look for one.  sigh.

interestingly, i took the loss pretty well.  i had spent the week between landing and losing the gig feeling a terrible premonition that it was all going to slip through my fingers somehow.  so when i got the call, i was disappointed but not quite surprised.  maybe this is a sign; i should try my hand at fortune-telling.  i already own the tarot cards so i just need a card table and i've got myself a business.

desperation

i know that i've come to a rather desperate state when i see nuns and priests and think, "that's gotta be nice. they don't have to worry about needing money for rent or food or clothes. they don't even have to look for a job. too bad i'm married and like things too much. but i could probably learn to pretend to believe in god."

being better

nothing can be worse for an unemployed than to watch cnn everyday and listen to announcements of yet another list of companies who are having layoffs.  last week: at least 70,000 jobs.  this week: more.  even worse might be the tips about how people are "dumbing down" their resumes so that they can get an interview.  why are we looking to be the lowest common denominator?  when did we become a country where being less experienced, less educated meant more likelihood of gaining not employment but just the interview?  the american dream was all about working hard, getting good educations for your children and retiring with dignity and security.  now we try our best to pass off as docile, malleable drone workers that won't cause ripples.  we forget that part of what made this country powerful and respected was the ingenuity and determination of its people.  we used to not be afraid to explore new ideas and attain higher goals.  when i hear my friends talk about how they are quietly trying to hold onto their jobs by not bringing attention to themselves, i feel so frustrated because we were taught to be bold.  in times of crisis, we need to be bigger than ourselves and let the fear of failure overwhelm us.  while i too am scared of my current state of unemployment, i refuse to be less than what i am.  that's not saying i wouldn't take a boring office job to pay the bills (heck, i'll take a cashier job at whole foods) but my employers should always know that when they hire me, i come with talent, work ethic and possibility.  i will always give my best so it's up to them to put me to use wisely.

trying to keep my chin up

after about 3 months of solid unemployment, my willfully imposed belief that my current status is not really my fault - the recession couldn't have been predicted, lots of other people are losing their jobs, that the christmas season made it impossible to really do a proper search - is starting to wear thin.  even i can only convince myself of so much; excuses do have a expiration date.  it's not that i haven't been looking for work so much as i'm starting to realize that drastic measures might need to be taken soon if i'm not to go crazy with my many hours of wasted time.  not having to go to work sounds fun but if i'm not going to start getting rewards for having attended as much school as i have, well, what was the point?  if i had just joined the workforce right out of college, maybe i would be a manager somewhere complaining about her job but at least i would also be secretly relieved that i had one.  those student loans are starting to bear down on me and it is not fun watching my bank account get depleted.  so what now?

to spend my time more wisely, i think i'm going to:

1) find something i can intern/volunteer at even if i make no money.  i think the key to my slump may be productivity and that even if i can't do something with a monetary value, at least i should be able to find something that absorbs my restless energy and might add to my resume.

2) start writing my book. i should find some constructive way to apply some of that nice English degree even if my nice Theatre degree is failing me.

3) finish zelda: twilight princess and get platinum status on all my wii sports practice levels.  i am at the final boss and i got two platinum statuses today.  if i have a gaming console that makes me get off my butt the way reading blogs cannot, i might as well try to stay in shape.  (i also go to the gym to do this but that is less fun and more sweaty.)

i'll get started on all that tomorrow.  after i wake up at noon.

a holiday of uncomfortable questions

if your holiday was anything like mine, it included family get-togethers where there's lots of food and chatting. while this part is innocuous enough, the inevitable question of "so, how's the job search going?" or some variation thereof pops up and silence fills the room.  while i uncomfortably try to swallow a suddenly dry piece of bread, i reach for my glass of water to take up some time before i mumble something about the recession and hiring freezes and that at least i'm doing okay since i had some money saved.  everyone kinda looks at me with a small amount of pity and then tries to change the subject.  or else, they all try to give me advice since those with jobs must know more on how to find a job.  while i understand everyone's just trying to be helpful and make conversation, the commenting sounds more like constant nagging and rehashing of a character flaw that i am very well aware of (it seems crazy but i do remember what having a job is like and i actually do enjoy having a paid purpose in life).  through the weeks, i have found that the easiest way to not get too irritated is by deflecting most questions with a certain amount of humor (ie. thank goodness i was born during the age of the internet or else i would be bored out of my mind).  also, i have found my number one stock phrase when questioned about what is it that i do: "i'm between things."